General Chapter, 1998
Internet site by Scott Steinkerchner OP
email: steinkerchner@op.org
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One of the many reasons that could explain these crises - which by the way I find normal and healing, even if dangerous - is the very slow maturity process of young people today. They take some time to enter into adulthood, even when it doesn't always appear so, and this because in several ways, young people are also more mature than people used to be at their age. A few years ago a book came out in France on the subject; its title, significantly, was, Interminables Adolescences. Now our formation cycle is long, and the brothers have a student status for seven or eight years when they've already entered the Order at a not-so-early age, and already had several years of university. Doesn't this organisation of formation tend to slow down the process of maturation in some cases ? Our Brothers make choices in life rather late. The choice of religious life is not always integrated psychologically as an adult choice since it doesn't immediately give him a new social status but instead holds him back in a certain status: he's still in formation, still a student.
1.2. It seems to me that there's a lot of silence in our communities on the subject of affectivity. I don't know if the same thing holds elsewhere. The fact that no one talks about it, that we don't reflect together on questions of affectivity, can be explained. But I wonder if there isn't an enormous deficit of reflection and, consequently, a huge gap for those in charge of formation. This context explains why so many Brothers loved the last letter that Fr. Timothy addressed to the Order. He dares speak on the subject!
Besides courses and seminars on sexual morality, is there any place in our formation programmes for serious reflection on sexuality, on desire and pleasure, on human and emotional fulfillment, on maturation - which is always relative and always in need of being accomplished at all ages in life - on the different celibacies? Reflection that takes into account our specific situation of leading a celibate life, having to live with continence, having promised to live human relationships in a true and chaste love? No doubt would it be important for us to share what experiences our different Provinces have on the subject of common reflection and formation (early and permanent) on this subject. Too great a silence, plus a certain silence on the crises spoken of above (1.1.), leads into a great solitude for the Brothers who are asking themselves certain questions.
1.3. This absence of common reflection
and sharing on the topic of sexuality and on emotional maturity is, in
my opinion, very much tied to the absence of common reflection and sharing
on the subject of death. I'm still struck by something Damien Byrne said
at the end of the canonical visitation he made a few years ago in the Province
of France : " I've met quite a lot of elderly brethren, and yet didn't
once hear anyone speak about death. " And yet, we use precisely that word
when we make profession of obedience usque ad mortem (until death),
and we know that this expression characterises the life of Jesus; the Gospel
says clearly that Jesus faced death. The antiphon Media vita in morte
sumus, also comes to mind. Maturity is, I believe, the personal experience
of death, that is, of integrating death - one's own death - in his outlook
on life and on his own life. I mean this experience that we all must make,
in one way or another, that life is a gift, something given to us, of which
we do not have control. The experience that we are mortal.
Isn't the first phase of experiencing our own mortal condition the experience of having to go through a certain " mourning " experience, for example, in coping with health problems or handicaps, coping with painful emotional sufferings due to choices associated with them, breaking up of certain relationships due to new assignations¼ To sum up, isn't it about having to face up to the risk inherent in any important choice in one's life or in any event that affects us deeply? But isn't the capacity to make choices, to eliminate possibilities up to now kept in reserve, and to face up to the risks inherent in our choices, a part of what personal maturity is about ?
1.4. The social and ecclesial context is marked by identity crisis. On the one hand, there is confusion on the identity of religious life and the priesthood in our societies; life styles and the images fed back to us have evolved a lot, and there is little social pressure on these identitites to be more meaningful and visible. On the other hand, there is a lot of social pressure on things concerning sexual identity, and professional identity, even though these two fields are also affected by confusion due to changing behaviour patterns and unemployment. It seems to me that the result is a process of identity-seeking necessary for human and emotional maturity, that is quite often chaotic. Thus do we get cases where people become like maniacs, or focalise exclusively on certain questions, like religious identity, sexual identity, professional identity (for example, such and such a ministry, perhaps such and such a field of study, or studies in general); these things become manias or take up one's whole field of occupation.
1.5. A large proportion of Brothers that enter the Order with us are marked by the question of homophilia, or homosexuality, depending on what word you prefer. The distinction could be made between the Brothers who have a confirmed homosexual psycho-emotional structure, having had a sexual life and quite conscious of their identity, sometimes wishing their sexual orientation to be recognised, and those still a bit immature emotionally, being more or less unsure of their psycho-affective orientation, in search of their identity. Whatever the case, and while saying firmly that such affirmations or searches for identity are legitimate and necessary in the process of maturation, I would like to point out two difficulties often encountered. The first is the fact that, as I've already said, it could happen that one focalises, either individually or collectively, on the question of sexual identity, whether or not the subject is talked about. The 2nd difficulty, which often results from the first, I think, is that certain communities could develop what I would call (but the expression is perhaps an unjust one) a homophile culture, marked by forms of recognition, ways of behaving one towards another, affinities for certain portions of fraternal life, all of which could be a source of tension between Brothers and an impediment to the liberty of expression.
1.6. It seems to me that it would be interesting to ask ourselves in community what image of woman we carry in us and convey to others through our behavior, our way of speaking about women, especially those women who are closest to us. I just wonder if its feasible. No doubt there are cultural differences according to what part of the world, or what country, is concerned. There are also individual differences. Nevertheless, if we could just step back and listen to the Brothers, analyse attitudes, reactions, spontaneous reflexes or speech, we would be surprised to note that our masculine and ecclesiastical world carries very much constrasting images of woman, ones that aren't always emotionally healthy.
1.7. Relationships of Brothers with their families is another delicate subject these days. For many Brothers, their family situation and parental ties make up serious handicaps for their long-term integration in the Order, for their emotional maturity and their true freedom. Many have difficulty leaving their families to take root in religious life and to create new types of relationships with family. This is a very important topic for me, even if I don't go any further on it.
2.2. The three essential sources of dynamism in existing and in coming to maturity in the affective sphere, on condition that we are living them in the line of exodus, are: action--attachment to a project, in other words, work--love and politics. These three sources of dynamism correspond to the areas touched on by the three vows: poverty (or sharing of work and resources), chastity (or the capacity to love and to allow oneself to be loved), obedience (or the fact of sharing with others projects elaborated together). These three areas are essential for the human development of the individual. And becoming mature in the affective sphere (love-attachment) can only be realised along with development in the other two areas.
2.3. The crises that young Brothers meet when thy leave formation arise from the fact that, in moving from the state of student to priest, the three areas of development are shaken up at the same time. There is an uprooting and a growing of new roots which has to be gone through: the more protected milieu of studies or of the studentate, with what it implies of strong affective relationships with people of one's own generation, has to be left, and there is an entry into communities where it is necessary to create other types of relationships with Brothers of other generations; many of our Brothers find it difficult to find suitable apostolic activities quickly; the individualism in our communities is such that it is difficult to develop common projects; crises, when intense, are sometimes "solved" by activity (my activity, found at last), by a love relationship or the sometimes unconscious search for a love relationship, by moving away from the community in developing other strong projects.
2.4. Our communities are at a loss to offer to their members favourable conditions for developing and becoming mature at decisive stages: individualism in activity; affective investment which is not always balanced--either too much outside of the community, or too much within it; no community project. What is more, I have often noticed that, in the face of crises, there is often panic in our communities, even, indeed, psychological processes of exclusion, but little patience.
3.1. There is no maturity in itself. Every maturity is relative, it varies according to the age in question, according to persons, family situations and states of life. Rapid changes in the life of a man or woman can profoundly alter the maturity which was demonstrated up till then. There is no maturity without, first of all, personal autonomy, emerging from growth in awareness and self-knowledge. Throughout the normal stages of human life, it is a matter of managing one's personality--keeping an appropriate distance with respect to the pressures and challenges which come from external forces--and manifesting a capacity to welcome them and take them into consideration, and a capacity not to be affected by them. And then maturity requires an awareness of others, others as different. This awareness of others entails welcome, listening, and respect for their thoughts and desires, while one understands at the same time how to situate oneself with respect to their influence. The third component is the ability to discern, to judge, to decide, to react in the heart of situations, to adapt oneself to them or to oppose them. The fourth component is the ability to deal with conflicts and failures.
3.2. Religious life has its own characteristics in what concerns maturity and the risks of immaturity. For example:
3.4. The learning of true dialogue with others in community life--with all that dialogue includes of silence, of hearing others, but also the ability to express one's own thought--is another element of formation and of becoming mature. I am struck by how difficult it is have simple and fruitful dialogue in our communities. It is important to be attentive in our communities to the perversion of the word which is a form of perversion of law. Moral law in community life is founded on three prohibitions: that of death-bearing violence or the prohibition of homicide (that one does not kill another's word, the freedom he has to say what he thinks and to be respected in his thought and word); that of fusion or the prohibition of incest (the absolute word which absorbs and excludes); that of the lie (the false word which deceives).
3.5. Finally, the important role of apostolic responsibilities should be underlined. These are confided to our Brothers and, in these activities, they have to learn the going out from self required by service of others. There, too, the meeting with others, in their difference, with their opinions and their real needs, is a place of growth in maturity, inasmuch as these experiences are reflected on and evaluated.
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© 1998 Order of Preachers
General Chapter, 1998 Internet site by Scott Steinkerchner OP email: steinkerchner@op.org |